Beat Up by Hanukkah Harry

What does it say about me that I tend to post only on school computers? A lot of stuff has happened but I never wrote it down. Well, I'll get to the past few days in a moment, but right now I feel like bitching.

See, it was because of mornings like this that I started this blog. No joke: I felt the exact same tension in my knees, the exact "Oh-God-I-Need-To-Get-Out" feeling. You ever feel like that? It's not like you're running away to something, or even FROM something. You're just running away. Stop the world, I wanna get off. That sort of stuff.

But let me give you a little explanation about this title. See, yesterday I dropped by the comic store and picked up a comic called "Emo Boy." The cover depicted Emo Boy getting the shit beat out of him by Santa Claus. Basically, in the midst of all that Christmas cheer, Emo Boy felt, well, emo and depressed because all these people are starving while we're eating ourselves to death on Christmas!! Etc. But then Santa shows up and...beats the crap out of him. For protesting Christmas.

And that's how I feel this morning, albeit about Hanukkah, like I'm being beat over the head by Hanukkah Harry. Today just got off to a bad start. I slept terribly (I'm a chronic insomniac) and woke up at 5:40 or so. So that's maybe 4, 5 hours of sleep. Then Mom gets pissy in the morning because no one did the dishes, and she starts shouting at me while I'm making my lunch. I'm kinda bewildered--I understand why she's pissed, but for heavens' sake, can't I make my lunch in peace?? (Yeah, that sounded self-centered even to me. Deal with it. It's my blog after all, I have the right to be self-centered here.) Then when I'm ready to go, she's still in a bad mood. So she doesn't want to take me. The following scene approximately records what happened:

Lawrie: Okay, I'm ready to go.
(Pause. Mother continues her work in the kitchen)
Lawrie: (worried about the time, seeing as she's been chronically late in the past and may well get a dentention if she's late in the future) Uh...
Mother: (to Father, in tired tone indicating the pissy mood she's in) Can you take her this morning? I really don't feel like it.
Father: (shocked, irritated) I can't do that! I've got a meeting at 9:00!
Mother: I don't see what that has to doing with anything.
Father: I gotta get dressed first!
(Pause of a few more seconds.)

I should insert here that I sincerely felt like saying, "Just give me a couple of dollars and a note explaining that neither of you wanted to take me to school this morning, and I'll walk to the metro." Partly because I was impatient. Partly because I wanted to feel like a self-righteous martyr. Partly because, well, I was pretty upset and anxious with this exchange.

So after a significant silence indicating how angry she is about the injustices imposed upon her and that she's doing this as a favor, Mom finally grabs her coffee cup and walks out the door. Subsequently, I am late because of this little argument. I mean, Mom and I talked about this morning in the car, but I still walked into school feeling like shit. The last thing I wanted to go through was Mr. Blank's nonsense about Hanukkah.

Mr. Blank is one of those really annoying people who think if they act the right way, they can be friends of the students. It's true--I've seen students become close to their teachers. But the way to make friends with your students isn't to consciously try to be friends. That always pisses me off--I don't find it funny like other kids do. I find it condescending and annoying and full of bullshit.

So he starts out minyan by passing around these dreidels for Hanukkah. "I want you to tell us a story about these dreidels," he says. And I go, Oh no. It's the last thing I want. I feel like shit, I feel all tense, I feel my knees going all tight, the last thing I want to do is to drag out some bullshit story about a dreidel. Honestly, where do they get these ideas? My problem with Mr. Blank is that every single thing he does seems to be directed at kindergardeners. I liked it when I was in 7th grade, but now that I'm a senior, I can't stand it. I don't know why. It just rubs me the wrong way. I get impatient and anxious and upset. And when Mrs. McMillan shouted at us that we weren't being mature enough for this activity, I felt like shouting back, "No, the activity isn't mature enough for us."

Not that Drisha Minyan J (or I or H or whatever the designation is, I don't care) is that mature. Quite the opposite. We ARE a bunch of sheltered, childish bastards.

But still. I just felt myself getting more and more tense throughout minyan. I can't explain it. It was just a combination of all this shit I'd been through this morning. In a way, it goes back to the Santa Claus metaphor I mentioned before.

This morning felt like someone was bludgeoning me with Hanukkah. Beating me over the head with it. Because it's in the winter, I think Hanukkah picks up a lot of the shit that Christmas gets, from the nonsense about presents to the stupid, cloying sugary songs that clog your ears. So let me say this once and for all:

FUCK HANUKKAH. AND FUCK CHRISTMAS TOO.

Not the holidays, I suppose. I mean, I light candles. I get the story. But all the bullshit surrounding it, all the hype, I just can't stand it. Especially when it's clear in the Christmas program that they just threw in the bit about Hanukkah to be nice to the Jewish kids. You know what? I don't need your goddam menorahs in the mall. In fact, I think I'd prefer to cut myself off entirely from the cynical consumerist bullshit that fills American culture this time of the year. It cheapens the holiday and turns it into a crude sweet. Where's the spirituality? The respect? I know all of this has been said before, but I'll say it again: FUCK THE WINTER HOLIDAYS. They've been turned into these disgusting exercises in capitalism. And for God's sake, turn off that damn Christmas muzak. If I hear one more "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" or any of that shit, I will shoot myself. Play some of those old beautiful Christmas songs, please. Silent Night. You know what I mean.

Edit: At lunchtime they had these "Hanukkah clowns." Do not ask me what these are. Apparently clowns are the way to observe Hanukkah. Let me tell you, there is nothing quite like walking into your lunchroom to be confronted by someone in full clown outfit handing out ballon animals and talking to you in this nice Midwestern accent. It is freaking scary. I don't know who is responsible for this, but I hope that they pay for it in their next life. Bad karma, man.