Grandparents Update

I guess you've been wondering what's the deal with my grandparents after that last post I've left. A lot of shit happened--it's pretty much driving my mom crazy.

So yeah--my grandfather has suddenly gone crazy. More exactly, he's just snapped, serious dementia all of a sudden. I mean, physically he's fine. Mentally, he's straight out delusional. Mom's having a lot of problems getting the right treatment. We keep telling her to move him out of the Baltimore system (which sucks!), but she says that she'll have to start the process all over again if she does, because of release laws. "So get the release forms together." But really, that's just another burden, something else to stagger through...I guess it's understandable if she can't get it together. Frankly speaking, this stuff is driving her insane. The phone is always ringing, it's getting really obnoxious. We're in the car, I'm reading to her: phone rings, it's the doctor. We're trying to get out the door to go somewhere--phone rings, it's another doctor. I'm sitting at home by myself, doing my work, phone rings--it's not the doctor, it's the other writers at the nuclear fuel subscription magazine thingie she works on, asking gently Where Are The Articles, Please? Because this thing with Grandpa is consuming her life. Oh yes, and sometimes Grandpa calls up himself, generally very agitated and, well, delusional.

Frankly speaking, I'm pissed at her brothers. I mean, we've never been very close to her side of the family, but this is ridiculous. I don't care if they don't feel much affection for Grandpa. I'm upset about what this is doing to my mom. This thing is TAKING OVER HER LIFE--and our lives, by extension--and WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?? Well, Uncle Leonard lives in Houston, so that kinda explains why he isn't so involved. But Uncle Steve lives in the area. And he's always off somewhere for work. Okay, I understand that he's got work, but you know what? So does Mom. She works really hard, and she still finds time to take care of Grandma and Grandpa. Actually, she's giving TOO MUCH of her time to the grandparents. And maybe Uncle Steve isn't a go-getter person, but again, so what? He doesn't have to take charge of everything, either. All I'm asking is that for once, can't HE go up to take Grandma/Grandpa to the doctors? Why is it that Mom is the one always getting the phone calls, anyway? If Grandpa is upset, can't he call Uncle Leonard for once?

I realize I'm whining, but that IS what a blog is for. And I can't tell you how much I can't stand this intrusion into my life, into my mom's life, it's driving the whole family crazy. It's like having an unwanted guest set up shop in your house, permanently. An emotionally abusive guest. It's exhausting physically and mentally.

This isn't even bringing Grandma into the equation. When Grandpa went crazy, Mom took her out of the apartment to put her in this assisted living home, on respite care. Here's the thing--she suddenly got better. The last time I saw her, she could barely talk, could barely move, couldn't even follow a conversation. But now she's suddenly talking, she's paying attention. She's still got major memory loss and, well, is still pretty senile, but after all these years of watching her go downhill, the recovery is amazing. And depressing. Going to a place like this home has been wonderful for her. You can't help but wonder--why didn't we do this years ago? And the answer is, "Because Grandpa wouldn't let us put her in a home." He insisted she stay in the apartment with him and never really took her out. So she was completely isolated, didn't really see much activity. And so her brain went down hill because there was no stimuli to keep it working. Mom said she got really angry at Grandpa (in her head) thinking about this, but it's not like she can shout at him about it anymore. How can you get angry at this crazy old man? I don't think Grandpa even knew what he was doing to Grandma when he insisted that she stay in the apartment. I just think that it was very important to him that they stay together--even now, he still gets upset to be separated, he's always calling Mom asking about Grandma--and he wanted to stay out of an assisted-living home. And yes, he wanted control over Grandma.

But here's the bad news: Only a few days ago, Grandma fell down. The side she fell down on actually is okay, aside from bad bruising. But it turns out the reason why she fell is because of a fractured hip. So she's in the hospital now. There was this whole surgery on her on Wednesday night. Today I'll be helping Mom move her home.

Technically speaking, I should have gotten up early this morning for this stupid Siyyum prayer breakfast thing--it's this thing they make us graduates go through at school--but frankly speaking, I have higher priorities in life.